I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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