I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
