This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
