so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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