I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
