meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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