Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
