Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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