Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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