do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
