what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
