On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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