And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
