Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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