she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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