we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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