hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
