My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
