hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Im part way to drunk.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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