it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
