I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
