just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
COCAINE IS GR8
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
