well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize
