drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
