What did we do last night that was yellow?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
