Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
