My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
