Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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