babies were throwing up all over the place
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
