An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Randomize
