What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
