6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
