i would punch a child for taco bell
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
