I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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