It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
