You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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