I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I understand Curling. That high.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize