Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
