Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
