I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My vagina is very pro this idea
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
