haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
