I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
