He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
