we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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