my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
