One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
