Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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