We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
