I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm bleeding and have questions
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
