i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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