If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
