You're my little dorito
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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