I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
