the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
