Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
