I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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