So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
