I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
