if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
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I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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