i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
