his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
