I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
