he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
