We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
