WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
