My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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