So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
