mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
