I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
