Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dick very happy bro
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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