Fuck appropriateness.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
