i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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