It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
