We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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