At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
