Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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