cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
