So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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