Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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