She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
