I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
They are going to name an STD after you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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