and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
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I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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