Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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